not out of a lack of care but genuinely speaking i don’t think its natural to live on our phones. endless artificial blue light, the constant stimulation, the way it hijacks your nervous system and keeps your brain running itself into exhaustion, then your left feeling nauseous and completely dopamine depleted.

the older i get, i’m realising that i actually just prefer connections that make me feel alive. the kinds of conversations where time drifts and six-day conversations have a six-year familiarity, where questions are asked with the unfiltered honesty of children, the kind where you reveal the fears you once only trusted to your journal, the version of yourself you’re slowly becoming, the kinds of conversations you are seen and held in, and like a star, you expand. the most intimate conversations happen when curiosity exists on both sides.

truthfully, my brain struggles to sustain connection through a screen alone. i understand the convenience of modern communication but i also think it has blurred the line between connection and access. people are always technically “there” but not always with you, there’s something about the illusion of proximity that comes with it. proximity without depth can feel like closeness.

when someone asks how i’m doing, i would actually much rather explain i’m in that quantum purgatory where the last version of me has died but the next version has not yet been fully birthed - i’m not waiting, i’m becoming.

nowadays my body just doesn’t respond much to conversations underneath the surface and it is liberating that i’ve stopped performing in that way. being on the precipice of change feels strange - in a good way. my physical body is recalibrating. the body always notices before the mind can explain it and i’ve felt this feeling for months now. i have also simultaneously been here before. something in me knows where i’m going.

anyhoo, it feels paradoxical because there’s no conclusion i’m arriving at, just a set of recent realisations, and this is where the train stops.

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

time and time again i am reminded of how lucky i am to have the most supportive and genuine souls in my life. the type of people that give love without expecting anything in return, the type of people that speak so much life into you, that their words will literally change your brain chemistry. they will reinvent you to higher versions of yourself that once felt unimaginable. they carry a light in the world that can never ever be replaced, i am the most thankful person on earth to experience such souls this sweet. to think that i have so much space in their heart for love brings me to tears every single time. this is the type of love that can truly change the world.

when someone leaves such a deep impact on your life and the way you feel, you can never really forget. these feelings i’m blessed enough to experience, this constant support around me no matter what, it’s one of the most heart warming things in the world to me.

love is the most magical feeling a person can experience and to embody love, to spread it, is to have consideration and compassion for yourself and for the people around you, to fill your own cup first so you can pour into others in the healthiest way possible. it’s understanding life, the nature of it, how heavy existing can feel and still choosing to be gentle, it’s just being a genuine soul.

i have always tried to embody love. of course there are moments in my life that can make it harder to embody and i know there are moments in your life that make it harder too. when this happens, i remember why i am the way i am, it strengthens my resolve to continue to be that embodiment because the world is so wicked. i think about the people in my life, how they’ve made me feel and how that love healed parts of my inner child.

sometimes i think to myself, i wish i could’ve been surrounded by people like this when i was younger, maybe it would’ve made me want to stay just one day longer. and to think that being loved in that way could inspire me to keep living and give back to others, makes me so emotional it reminds of the importance. that is the beauty of life.

love really can change the world, even if does start from the comfort of your home. charity starts at home. even if it’s from the comments you leave online, the smile you give a stranger in public, the thank you, you say as someone holds the door for you, telling someone their outfit looks nice when you have no reason to say anything at all. the genuine appreciation you express with your loved ones. tell people how amazing they are!

love is in the little things people barely notice. it’s someone adjusting their tone because they know you’re overwhelmed, remembering how you take your tea or coffee without having to ask again, sending someone a song because the lyrics reminded you of them. repeating a story they’ve already heard just because they know it matters to you, someone defending your name in rooms you aren’t even in. making space for someone in conversation when they struggle to speak up. people being patient with you when you can’t fully articulate how you feel. people who sit with you in silence. people celebrating your wins without envy. there is no big or small gesture, it’s just love.

you never know who’s day you’re making, you never know who you might convince to stay an extra day. that’s why it means so much to me.

the type of person i am, i never shy away from my feelings, i’ll always express them and love is far too strong and beautiful of a feeling to hide, it should be expressed you know. you haven’t even met all the people and versions of yourself, you could love and spread love to. every single time you spread love to someone, you are saving them, either from themselves or the realities of this harsh and wicked world. you can never really hide from the reality that is life, but you can make the experience more softer, enjoyable and lighter for everyone just by spreading love.

always remember if a soul like yours exists in the world, you can and most definitely will meet others like you.

if a soul like yours can exist to do that for people then 110% someone else can exist and do that for you, its not delusional to believe that either. we are all just people existing in the mirror.

love yourself and spread love not just and i plead with you here, not just romantically!!! love exists in many different forms, please do not limit yourself to only expressing or embracing romantic love, you are in fact missing out on it’s true beauty.

love is medicine for the soul.
love yourself.
love others.
send love.
be love.
love.

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

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4am

another thought. this one was me. it told me not to go back on my word, so again, i wrote down what i’d do the next day.

5am

i could hear birds chirping outside my window and somewhere in between all that, i realised that with adhd i tend to circle thoughts that reinforce my emotions. e.g. “i can’t do xyz” and it becoming a limiting belief. the process is me trying to recognise my emotional truth in the moment because i believe the emotions are valid but at the same time, i understand words are spells and overtime they rewire your beliefs and perspectives so i wasn’t sure how to balance between those two feelings. i think its a really important split to notice.

with adhd, this gets more intense because at times, emotions can feel absolute even when they’re temporary states of nervous system overload, not accurate predications of capability.

reframing my thoughts

something i did almost instinctively was to reframe my thoughts.

“my brain doesn’t work this way, so i need a different approach”
“this method doesn’t fit my brain, but there is a way that does”

what i was building in this reframe is a replacement for the adhd default of:

difficulty = inability
to
difficulty = try a different method or approach.

in doing this i’m reminding myself that difficulty ≠ inability.

feeling vs overthinking

it also links to what i’ve been practicing recently - actually feeling my emotions instead of analysing them and turning them into a story. i think that’s the difference between processing emotions and ruminating on them. when i feel it properly, it moves through my body and leaves. when i analyse it, it stays stuck in my head and loops. the emotion is always valid but that doesn’t mean its always true. the story is always optional.

emotions aren’t thoughts

feeling an emotion is a bodily thing. it’s time limited (unless chronic) and it moves. you can think a thought but we are meant to feel our emotions. that’s not to say you can’t analyse your emotions, you can analyse for clarity then let go but once you turn it into a story, it creates this mental loop. when you turn an emotion into a narrative like: “i can’t do this/this always happens” your brain is trying to do something protective. it wants certainty and predictions and adhd brains especially tend to jump into this because this amount of overwhelm or uncertainty can feel physically uncomfortable so the mind tries to solve it by explaining it. but that comes with a cost, the emotion stays activated, it keeps the story alive and the body never gets the chance to complete the cycle. the cycle of an emotion is meant to last 90 seconds. if you constantly move from emotion, to story, to identity, you will stay in a loop. where as, if you move from emotion, to sensation, to allowance and then release, you shift from an identity to a state.

and this is why you don’t attach your identity to your emotions because emotions are a part of you, not the whole you. they come and they go. your identity is something core to you. core not solid, it is very much fluid and can change whenever you want it to, but it’s more stabilised than an emotion. emotions are more like the weather and identity is more like climate patterns but also climates can shift over time. when you start treating your emotions like an identity, you get statements like “ i am this [feeling]” when its supposed to be “i’m experiencing [emotion] or i feel [emotion]”

emotions are transient internal and external experiences that’s why they’re all over the place compared to an identity which is organised from repeated pattern and behaviour over time.

(knowing how to actually feel your emotions is a completely separate conversation. if i ever talk about how i actually feel my emotions properly, i’ll do another post)

the fog in my head lifted when i came to this conclusion. that these small linguistic shifts and healthy reframes keep your sense of self from being constantly rewritten by temporary states.

6am

i searched: how to fall asleep if your brains awake, some tiktok related scrolls away i realised yh this isn’t working so i played a puzzle game on my phone, figured if i exhaust my brain she’ll eventually get tired and it worked by 6am i fell asleep.

sometimes i don’t really know how to transition between winding down and actually sleeping, my brain just stays on like it missed the cue or something. a fortnight ago i ended the day writing a film review and somehow my dreams turned into the review continuing, scene by scene, picking up extra nuances like my brain decided to run a director’s cut. i didn’t realise how overstimulated i was just from watching a film. maybe i need some kind of wind down buffer or something, but even then there are still nights where the thoughts just don’t stop, they’re not even negative… i’d just also really love to sleep you know. #tiredbutwired

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

imagine an escape room where the door doesn’t just lock behind you, it seals. once you enter the room, it becomes a controlled environment. the lights slowly dim, a timer appears and a voice fills the room: “you are now inside the system, to win you must leave” this isn’t a game for fun, its a system built around pressure and if you don’t escape in time, the room begins to change.

at first it’s subtle. the air grows colder, the lights flicker, walls shift slightly, clues you once had vanish. you notice it, but still, you think you’re fine.

then it gets worse. oxygen slowly drops, alarms start blaring, the walls inch inwards, heat builds and the floor begins to tilt.

nothing is immediately fatal. but everything is uncomfortable, confusing and overwhelming. the room isn’t neutral, its working against you, so your motivation shifts. it’s no longer: “i want to solve this” it becomes: “i need to get out”

every puzzle gives you a piece of freedom. one opens a vent, one unlocks part of a door, another pauses the timer and another brings the lights back.

you’re constantly racing a system that wants to keep you trapped. the experience is psychological as much as it is physical.

you start calm. then frustrated. then anxious, then focused. then desperate, then determined. winning means escaping and losing means staying inside

in the game your choices don’t just decide win or lose, rather they reveal who you are, while trying to win.

every choice you make is information not just about the outcome but about you

my teenage years were mostly spent in my room.

door closed.
curtains half-drawn.
phone faced down.

i barely spoke. i was quiet on the outside, but my mind was loud. always thinking, always replaying, always questioning and always tired. my mother became custom to my tears, a painful melody she learned by heart. she would sit with me, hold me, tell me it would pass and i wanted to believe her but i couldn’t see past where i was. not because i lacked imagination but because i lacked evidence. everyday looked the same. same thoughts, same feelings, same walls. so i assumed that was it. this was my room. this was where i would stay. for a long time, life felt more like an escape room i didn’t know how to play.

it wasn’t until i started shifting in small ways, one thought, one choice, one tiny movement that the air felt different. a little more light, a little more space. i moved differently and the room began to respond.

life is like that escape room. you enter without knowing the rules. you inherit systems you didn’t design. you inherit a nervous system before you inherit language. you absorb beliefs before you learn how to question them. by the time you’re conscious, you’re already playing, already conditioned and
already responding instead of choosing.

the goal, not as simple as it sounds, but possible: to be free from the limits of your mind. but the door doesn’t open just because you want it to, it opens when you change how you play and in the escape room, your choices don’t just decide whether you win or lose, they reveal how you think under pressure, how you respond to uncertainty, how you treat yourself when things get hard, whether you panic, freeze, avoid or focus.

life works the same way.

your habits reveal your beliefs.
your reactions reveal your emotional regulation.
your patterns reveal your self-concept.
your consistency reveals your commitment.

that’s why aphorisms like “nothing changes if nothing changes and the day you decide is the day you decide” exist they’re not motivational quotes. they’re hints on the wall. they’re telling you where the exit is. the room keeps showing them until you finally act.

the question isn’t whether you escape. it’s whether you’re moving and what you are choosing, you find out by doing. how we think ripples out to how we behave.

“life’s a game, play it your way. take every side quest, treat strangers like old friends, smile at the moon, even on bad nights. dance like no one’s watching, even if they are. be unapologetically YOU. explore. create. love. repeat. chase the sunrise, sing your heart out, use your free will. feel everything, attach to nothing. take risks, make mistakes, learn fast and glow up.

life is too short to put yourself into a cage”

-

i came across this quote and felt it was the perfect way to end.

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thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

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the past three months felt like i was standing in the middle of high-speed air trying not to lose my footing. i think i held on pretty well, if you ask me, for it to last that long. in the beginning i was running with the wind. focused and detrimentally determined but we all know what happens when you start a race too fast… you burn energy even if adrenaline feels good initially.

i worked so hard and while i did reap every single benefit of all that effort, i almost lost my inner self in the process. there came a time where i stopped feeling her inside me. she used to speak to me in the uncomfortable silences but she went quite. that was the moment the air tightened and when it did the universe didn’t just tell me to slow down, it showed me right in front of my eyes and made me.

i know i’m speaking very cryptic here but depending on you, this can be applied to just about anything.

the universe talked and i listened. parts of my inner self came to focus. my inner child first. feeling carefree i took a spontaneous trip, well it was planned but vaguely. travelling with no headphones, meeting new people for the first time. it was just the quiet echo of my thoughts and feelings i listened to.

side note: i don’t have an inner monologue in the sense of an actual voice. i see thoughts in my head the way you read subtilties on a screen. i mostly think in images and feelings so it’s very normal for me to not have any “loud” thoughts (i genuinely thought this was the same for everyone until this year)

my feelings are more present. in that moment, sitting on the train to london, entertaining myself with what passed outside the window, i was feeling slightly anxious, that sickly feeling. my stomach churned more than once but i was excited. it was the feeling of getting closer and closer to the unknown, that’s all. a city i know little about, the where’s and how’s to get anywhere. meeting a person i had met once and never spoke to since, alongside internet friends i’ve never met in my life, with no beating in my eardrums telling me i’m that girl.

but i wanted to show up. not just for the promises i’ve kept but for myself too. i was standing on my own idk i wasn’t alone, i was by myself and that comforted me in a way. my curiosity peaked and i felt alive, getting to explore, feeling my heart pound so hard it could jump out of my chest. i’ve written poems on train journeys and diary entries before, but this is the most time i’ve had to myself in three months.

(met my fav people itw - taken by another fav person)

my goal was simple: write. not perfectly, not poetically, not even to share just write something. anything.

i’m just quietly listening, trying to hear my soul. my inner self. i’ve missed her. she hasn’t spoken to me in about three months and i forgot what makes her heart beat or what it even sounds like. it’s not just the silence that’s confronting the hidden truths she whispered to me when i was to busy to hear, it’s that i’m actually here with her now. no distractions. i’ve slept through part of the journey and the sun woke me up to listen to her. very poetic right?

the feeling when people are around but i slip into my own world for a little while. i forget my surroundings and sit crossed-legged in my head, observing the world from the inside out. i’m not even observing the world in this moment, i’m holding hands with myself and the silence is comforting us like a hug. the kind you give someone you haven’t seen in ages.

ཐི༏ཋྀ

i take a deep breath in then out and suddenly i feel more relaxed. at ease with bubbles of excitement. i enter flow state and my mind writes for my hands.

side note: first time seeing cars next to the train tracks. i forgot the motor way exited for a second. that was cool

i don’t need to think of what to write next. i take in my surroundings and appreciate nature as it sits with me. i close my eyes and thank the sun for waking me up. it poured into me so i could pour into her: my inner self and now i’m giving again. my cup is as full as my heart.

rethinking why green isn’t my fav colour. blue is relaxing, i love blue, but green feels soothing to look at. it feels like new life, new beginnings. blue is still my fav colour though, way too many beautiful shades that carry the same feelings if not more. chilled.

it’s a been a while since i’ve shared my thoughts and i feel privileged that people take the time to read and sit with them. this was exactly what i needed. a moment to catch a breath, stop running and to listen to myself

after witnessing Tiwa Savage’s appearance on TheBreakfastClub- a podcast i strongly urge all Africans to seize conversing on, i was stirred with a lot of emotions, mainly of embarrassment and disgust. the scene that took place in my head was a familiar one: when that one misogyny bottled man makes a joke at a woman’s expense and the pick me girl chiming in, laughs along with the misogynoir. that’s exactly what it felt like- like she wanted them to say “she’s not like those other Africans”

Nigerian’s with superiority complexes are no different from African American’s who act like their experience of blackness is the ONLY valid one. this idea that there’s just ONE, singular black cultural identity is honestly one of the stupidest ideologies i’ve ever come across. black people exist everywhere and are not homogeneous. there isn’t one blanket identity or culture we all fall under. we come in all colours, shapes and sizes, so why would anyone expect our cultures and experiences to be anything less diverse than that?

and what exactly does Tyla have to be sorry for? why should she apologise for expressing her cultural identity? TheBreakfastClub looks down on Africans so they couldn’t process a young African girl was so confident and refused to be bullied. they want to humble African artists so bad. as a Nigerian myself, i am exhausted by how quick some Nigerians are to make themselves smaller for the rest of the world to digest or “accept” them. we’re not supposed to be the same- our differences are the point. feeding into these conversations, whether intentionally or not, just fuels xenophobia. her logic behind that interview/podcast makes no sense: a Nigerian elder apologising on behalf of Tyla, a South African? the fact that she felt the need to apologise shows she believes Nigeria is the only real source of black cultural identity. and by saying that, she’s essentially denying South Africa’s right to its own black culture and identity.

Tyla is NOT black American therefore she doesn’t have to identify herself in those terms. she is South African…what’s not clocking here?…why is that so hard to grasp? what ever happened to authenticity and just being yourself? suddenly when it doesn’t align with the status quo, it’s treated as less than and we have to shrink ourselves?...no.

also Africa is not ONE country.

before you do something for someone or on behalf of someone, you have to ask yourself the fundamental question of: who asked me? who sent me? you could clutch your pearls and leave a “no comment” maybe a “i cannot comment on another countries race politics” or save yourself the embarrassment and hit them with one of these:

we need to seriously bring back media training…anyways just a thought.

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

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I keep looking outside and seeing 18th century Britain. I keep seeing fragments of old architecture around the UK as it was or what i’d imagine it to be. no mossy bricks, women and their children promenading across parks, men dressed in tailcoats with tall hats and women in their frolics. princesses and princes living amongst the walls of the castles I see. there’s a despair in the air but magic in the clouds.

the world that takes place in my head is much different from what I see in reality and for that, I am glad. the 18th century is usually depicted as a desolate time in british history. rightfully so. the rich got richer while the poor, poorer.

daily life varied drastically based on social class. sanitisation was poor, diseases were rife, many people were out of work because suddenly machines were doing their jobs, the population growing widely, whilst amongst the poor, infant mortality rates increased - of 1000 children born, almost 500 died before they were 2.

orphans roamed the streets, cities were dirty, noisy and overcrowded, there was no government assistance for the unemployed, riots and protests broke out from town to town. the rich - a tiny minority of people, lived in opulence.

the aristocracy and wealthy landowners enjoyed comfortable and spacious homes with multiple rooms, adorned in servants across mansions, their calendars filled with dinner parties, operas and theatres. children would inherit great fortunes, living unknown to the high contrast that was poverty.

but, there was magic, if you will. partly from the published books - there was life lived amongst the pages, hope filled each word, science and superstition coexisted in society, enlightenment championed reason, the most popular books today were reasonably well written - all the 18th century classics are best selling. neo-classism and romanticism gave birth to poetry and art. they were political, they were satirical.

emotions were embraced, thoughts were heard, imagination was your greatest currency. there was something to look forwards and ahead to - laughter and love begging to be held.

the physical appearance that makes it, does feel like time has not moved. and in some ways it hasn’t.

Ai has repackaged itself as the industrial revolution - machines replacing people with jobs, reshaping the economy and culture just as radically. britain didn’t just expand their colonial empires, unlike in the 18th century, today britain has stepped out of the EU, redefining its place in europe - almost as if history is echoing itself in reverse.

the rich are indeed getting richer. now income inequality, housing crises and social mobility remain central political debates. gentrification prizes going crazy…. long held cultural traditions coexist and sometimes clash with rapidly evolving social values.

alas, it’s not all doom and gloom. for we have art - a new form of hope or escapism - however you view it.

the early decades of the 21st century birthed worlds their ancestors could have never imagined. poetry doesn’t wait quietly on a page. creativity flows through screens and streets alike. there’s an intimacy even in the things unsaid.

people no longer need a stage or gallery to share their art - a camera, phone and spark of imagination can travel the globe before breakfast, reshaping conversations in its wake. we have an entertainment ecosystem, mixed with social commentary. new cultures have emerged.

fashion moves like music, each style a burst of self expression, while stories unfold not just in books and theatres but in streaming worlds that calls everyone to take part. people build worlds from laptops while staying connected to those they love...sometimes.

it’s a time where culture blooms overnight and touches more hearts and regions any era had dared dreamed.

art to me really, is the multidimensional colours of the mind and I think it’s just beautiful. I really think I’m a sensualist in that way. I love the beauty that is life and all that it encapsulates. this is just one of those pieces that have coloured the corners of my mind.

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend.

we were talking about how sometimes, I don't give myself the space to celebrate my wins, before moving onto the next thing. another one of my struggles I’m proudly putting out into the world.

I tried to justify where this could possibly stem from. I tried to blame it on my ADHD, my need for seeking a quick dopamine rush to balance the noise in my head…which might actually be a probable justification.

however, I did some brief soul searching with a little help from a podcast or two and it hit me:

my life is not an endless chase for self validation and happiness that I refuse to provide for myself.

instead of constantly moving the finishing line or destination for myself each time I’ve achieved one thing that my younger self has prayed for, or I have worked hard for, I’m going to celebrate my wins.

I don’t want to be constantly on to the next. I want to pause, breathe, smile and give myself a moment to appreciate how far I’ve come. honour the journey - every step - no matter how small.

I always thought that imposter syndrome would hit me like a bus when I eventually start to achieve my goals and in achieving many of my personal and soul goals, that I’m extremely grateful for, at this time imposter syndrome doesn’t even exist to me.

because I deserve every single thing I have achieved thus far. good things happen to good people. there is nothing to be shocked about. if you are working hard towards something, why would you be shocked when it happens. you will be proud of yourself for making it happen.

when I was much younger…(once again spilling my trauma on the internet…we really need to stop meeting like this), I was deeply depressed and anxious. I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it this far in my life, so the fact that I’m alive? that I’m here writing this?feeling this? that in itself, is a win. I’ve already won and to God, I am thankful.

over the last two years, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal to remind me of all the good that has happened in my life. but, lately I’ve been feeling like I need to take it to another level.

“joy is your birth right”
say it with me…joy is my birth right
not acknowledging it or celebrating my wins is damaging
because I have indeed worked so hard to get to here.

and I don't want to keep nurturing this weird, low grade, "inner belief" that I or things I do are not enough.

happiness isn’t earned and you don’t have to wait for it. It’s a choice, that you get to decide to make every single day and celebrating it?

that's what keeps it alive.

in case you’ve forgotten (because same), amidst all the noise we’re constantly surrounded by, be it online, in culture, in people around us—let me reframe what happiness looks like.

happiness is the fuel that gets you out of bed every single morning, no matter what situation you’re in, where you are from, who you are and what you do.

It’s not a reward system, it's not a transaction. it's not "if I achieve this, then I'll allow myself to feel joy" no.

happiness is a state of being. it’s presence. it’s nerding out, unmasking and allowing yourself to exist without terms and conditions.

It is absolutely your birth right and the best part? 
you don’t need to ask anyone for it. 
It’s already in your hands. 

you have the power to give yourself permission to live joyfully today.

it’s all about subconscious rewiring.

it’s your belief system. get it into your head - no, tattoo it onto your soul

that you are deserving of every victory and every positive emotion. you’re deserving of still loving yourself, even on your messiest, most human days.

these are your wins, 
go celebrate them. 

wear the outfit, 
play the music, 
light the candle. 
tell your younger self, 
“look at us now” 
and mean it.

thank you so much for reading! it truly means a lot. if you enjoyed this and want a deeper glimpse into my world, storytelling and some occasional intellectual yap you can:

→ subscribe + follow my TikTok: @damssdiary

or stick me in waterstones and buy my extensive reading list (and i’ll love you forever)

no pressure, just lots of luvv… and maybe, just maybe, i’ll drop you some wild lore. your pick <3

Leave a comment

nothing in the world will set you free, faster than radical acceptance.

this isn’t just some Pinterest affirmation. it’s a real and necessary mindset shift, especially for people who grew up in environments where perfection is demanded and your worth is measured by your visibility.

it’s a glimpse into a very real social reality a lot of us are waking up to—especially those of us raised in cultures, families or systems that taught us to constantly perform, explain or prove our worth just to be seen or even heard.

just to put this out there - accepting what is and making peace with what is happening, does not in any way mean you agree or think it should be happening.

radical acceptance is actually a really useful concept if used and understood correctly.

it’s accepting or embracing what you cannot change and instead of focusing on how much you don't like your situation or feelings, you:

1.) accept how it is you feel +
2.) move your focus to how you can meet yourself where you are at.

I think the one of hardest adjustments for myself since starting my self development journey at a young age has been not proving myself to others.

people are going to make whatever stories, narratives, observations and opinions of you, even if they don’t know you, but it’s not my job to prove myself to people that don’t know, don’t take the time to know me or only move with whatever narrative they want to believe in their head.

not to “trauma dump” but I genuinely believe this stems from my childhood and the expectations I was brought up with, living in a conservative African household - my relationship with certain family members.

to them, just because they didn’t see something, it didn’t exist.

if I was working on something behind the scenes,
for a long duration of time, 
just because it’s not in full fruition yet, 
it never existed to them - along with all the hard work and effort I’d put in. 

which meant I kept having to prove myself,
over and over.
again and again.
until I realised that I don’t actually need validation from them to live my life.

that was one of the best realisations I could ever figure out for myself.
because my life doesn't have to stop just because you don't believe in me or see what I'm doing. especially if I’ve always explained who I am.

moral of the story is: you don’t really need to explain who you are because the people who want to listen, understand and get to know you—will. and the people who don’t?that’s not your problem to worry about.

my nervous system has already been shaken,
shaken enough times in my lifetime

for me to be worrying about how people
who don’t even know me, 
perceive me? 
you know what I mean?

if people want to believe a narrative without knowing you, then that’s just insanity—and they’re allowed to do that, but I’m not going to sit here wondering why or try to crack my brain open to figure why they are like that. it’s just not my job. I don’t need to prove myself to people. so moving forwards, this is my radical change of acceptance.

don’t take things personally from people who don’t know you personally. 

what’s that saying….don’t take advice from people you wouldn’t take criticism from??
—yeah it’s got nothing to do with me.

all I can do is control my own life and my own responses to things and let people who know me, judge for themselves, you know?

so, I choose to let go,
I choose not worry how I'm being perceived.

if people want to perceive me as a villain, then so be it, I'm the villain.
all I can do is control my own life.

there is so much for me to focus on in life. I don’t really have the time—or energy really, to be wasting on someone who doesn’t know me, like that’s not my problem.

so letting go of that energy here on, out.

any time you catch yourself thinking “hmm…I wonder what will they think?” or wondering how people perceive you, you just have to repeatedly reaffirm this mindset to yourself, until it becomes second nature not to do that.

my business is my business, everything outside of that is none of my business.
there is only so much you can do as human being. you know?

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